Car stereo

Dear next-door-but-one neighbour’s boyfriend

I know you are a jobless, state-scrounging, part-time drug-dealing loser, whose only redeeming feature is that you actually visit your child once or twice per week – which I presume sets you apart from the majority of your state-scrounging, jobless, drug-dealing contemporaries – this is a message for you. Of which I know you won’t take heed, even in the extremely unlikely event you were to stumble across this blog. But this is a cathartic exercise, because there are many others like you.

The so-called music that you play from you car stereo at astonishing volumes cannot possibly be heard properly due to the extremely bottom-heavy EQ configuration of the system.

I can only assume this is why you keep turning the volume up even higher.

Sadly this has the effect of making your car – and the surrounding houses -vibrate more, rather than allowing you to hear your so-called music more clearly.

In fact, acousticians will tell you that the sonic coupling of your loudspeaker to the chassis of your car effectively turns your car into a loudspeaker in itself.

This is unfortunate, because your car was designed as a car, not a loudspeaker, which is why certain constituent sounds within the music cause your car to vibrate with great resonance.

In sciency terms, this is known as your car’s resonant frequency.

Not only does this acoustic phenomenon cause your music to sound even more unattractive, it also enrages your neighbours, especially when they are trying to work.

My sash windows also have a resonant frequency. For future reference, please avoid playing music in the keys of Eb, C minor, and preferably G minor and Bb major, if you can possibly help it.

After three years of showing up in your flashy convertible (mostly Sundays but randomly on weekdays too), I would have thought you may have identified at least one of these socio-acoustic problems.

Yours faithfully,

Your girlfriend’s next-door-but-one neighbour.

1 comment

  1. Needs more Angry™.

    Other than that, an excellent analysis. Do you know that persistent loud music from cars can be subject to a complaint under Section 82 of the Environmental Protection Act 1990? Some police forces will proactively target asswipes in cars if you complain about it – might be worth getting in touch with your local Neighbourhood Police Team for advice.

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